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attachmentstyle

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Seeing potential in others when they don’t see the potential in themselves.. belongs in a coaching relationship, not a romantic relationship ☝🏼⁣⁣ ⁣⁣ Unbeknownst to me, by ‘rescuing’ others, I was avoiding looking at my own inner wounding. In the past, I found myself chasing fulfillment in the wrong places and with the wrong people.⁣⁣ ⁣⁣ ⁣⁣ When you can’t meet your own needs, you  unconsciously look for others to meet it for you. The unrealistic expectation leads to disappointment, burn out and resentment.⁣⁣ ⁣⁣ ⁣⁣ What I’ve learned is to parent myself before I parent another person. Filling my own love bucket before another. Giving to others from the overflow. ⁣⁣ ⁣⁣ ⁣⁣ -⁣⁣ ⁣⁣ ⁣⁣ So, what relationship patterns do you find yourself repeating over and over again, hoping for a different result?⁣⁣ .⁣⁣ .⁣⁣ .⁣⁣ .

🌼We tend to live life assuming others think the way we think, see things the way we see things. Especially if there's a strong rapport/connection, we can end up thinking someone is more alike to us than they are. 🌼If we treat someone like they have a different attachment style than they have ( if we treat them as WE would want to be treated) we may miss the mark. 🌼 In particular anxious and dismissive avoidant persons need very different things. For example if an anxious partner assumes an avoidant partner is like them, the avoidant partner may feel pressured, trapped or overwhelmed by their pursuit of closeness. If an avoidant partner assumes an anxious partner is like them they may miss their distress and think giving them space is helpful when they are actually amplifying their feelings of abandonment. 🌼We might think someone feels safe and okay with how things are going - but insecure attachment styles find it harder to share their true feelings and concerns. So even if we are a secure style ourselves it's helpful with all our loved ones to ask and open a space: "How would you like me to support you?" "I feel like I might be making you uncomfortable - if there anything you'd like me to do differently?" "Please do tell me if anything I do doesn't work for you - I want you to feel safe." "I always want you to be honest with me - I never want to hurt you and I can be adaptable" 🌼if you're anxious or avoidant it's also worth calmly sharing what works for you and triggers you - healthy partners will be willing to work with you & demonstrate they can be trusted 💕 attachmentstyles attachmentstyle secureattachment anxiousattachment avoidantattachment fearfulavoidant attachmentheory couplestherapy healthylove relationshiptips relationshipskills relationshiptalk relationshiphelp relationshipadvice relationshiprules

Belonging to ourselves means being called to stand alone—to brave the wilderness of uncertainty, vulnerability, and criticism. When it comes to belonging, I asked: What are people trying to achieve? What are they worried about? The answer was surprisingly complex. They want to be a part of something—to experience real connection with others—but not at the cost of their authenticity, freedom, or power. Reluctant to choose between being loyal to a group and being loyal to themselves, but lacking that deeper spiritual connection to shared humanity, they were far more aware of the pressure to “fit in” and conform. Connection to a larger humanity gives people more freedom to express their individuality without fear of jeopardizing belonging. This is the spirit, which now seems missing, of saying, “Yes, we are different in many ways, but under it all we’re deeply connected.” The more connected you feel. The more you know you belong the safer it feels or express your individuality. -Brenè Brown- Braving the Wilderness attachmentstyle polyvagaltheory biopsychosocial ACEscorestoohigh heretoheal burntout Tiredaf exhausted overwhlemed perfectionist traumarelease Coaching hypnotherapy massagetherapy mentalhealthmatters mentalhealthawareness anxietysucks depressionsucks

Most of the time the things which our parents do that hurt us are just what They learned from Their parents. Some healthy reminders: 🌻It's okay and totally normal to share how you feel 🌻 It's okay to have needs. You are not here just to serve everyone else 🌻 It's not selfish or needy to want to be loved and cared for, it's human 🌻Emotionally healthy people are capable of responding with empathy when you are in distress 🌻People usually shame the parts of you that they struggle to accept in themselves - so it's really not personal! ✨ If you are someone who learned to close down emotionally and keep your inner self private, you may have a dismissive avoidant or fearful avoidant attachment style. You may have learned that other people are not safe to depend on so you depend on yourself, value your independence and panic or feel repulsed by too much closeness. You may believe that closeness is a trap - that your energy will be drained dry giving until you have nothing left to give yourself or that you will be controlled, exposed, shamed if you reveal too much of your vulnerable core. Or maybe sometimes closeness was safe and other times it wasn't and so you have an anxious attachment or fearful avoidant style where you want to go towards others but it feels unsafe and you don't know whether you'll feel better or worse. Our models of closeness were learned from our caregivers who were dysfunctional in a way not all of us are - people are probably more safe to trust that you learned. Sometimes we even continue to unconsciously choose friends and partners like our parents so we keep believing all people will treat us this way... But as you heal your attachment wound you get better at spotting when someone is emotionally healthy and you can take small steps at a time to relearn that connection can be safe and a positive experience 🧡✨ avoidantattachment avoidantattachmentstyle attachmentstyle reparenting attachmenttheory fearfulavoidant dismissiveavoidant anxiousattachment mentalhealthreminders selfsoothing emotionalwellbeing healthyrelationship relationshipskills emotionalskills depressionsupport mentalillnessrecovery healthylove

What is Anxious Attachment? ⁣ ⁣ Anxious attachment, is an unhealthy style of attachment formed by children who have an unhealthy relationship and bonding experience with their parent or caregiver.⁣ ⁣ Individuals who have an anxious attachment style are just that – anxious. ⁣ ⁣ They are anxious about everything and anything within the relationships! ⁣ ⁣ Being anxious is not fun! It is like constantly being on edge without getting the resolution.⁣ ⁣ We’ve all experienced some sort of anxiety from time to time, but people with anxious attachment styles experience this on a much more consistent basis. ⁣ ⁣ For all you anxious ones, I see you. I hear you. I get it! It sucks. ⁣ ⁣ It sucks more when you fall for someone with avoidant attachment. However, you will get through this. It is more common than you think! ⁣ ⁣ sexandmagic thesexhealer amandapasciucco lifecoachingandtherapy Hartfordhasit anxiousattachment attachmentstyle Attachment attachment attachments attachmentstyles attachmenttheory attachmentDisorder attachmentpatenting attachmentparentingturkiye attachmentlens AttachmentsQuotes

Posted @withrepost • @bobbyjodearnley A great exercise to do for yourself is to look at your family's unhealthy patterns and ask yourself: how did/ do I respond to them? Am I unconsciously imitating any unhealthy qualities or perhaps even trying to become the opposite of them in an unhealthy way? (For example avoiding close relationships and having a lot of rigid boundaries to keep others out because you witnessed your parents' bad marriage where there were no boundaries) Even if a destructive behaviour is their normal or became yours it's totally possible and okay to change and replace it with new healthier ways of interacting (even if they don't like it) relationshiphelp relationshipcoaching familydynamics generationaltrauma enmeshment toxicrelationship toxicfamily familytherapy emotionalawareness mentalhealthsupport mentalhealthreminders wellbeing emotionalintelligence emotionalhealing selfhealing emotionalhealing attachmentstyle insecureattachment reparenting

Relationships are taking a new level with the advent of internet dating sites meeting a prospective partner is a self service commodity. relationship coupletherapy communication trust attachmentstyle counsellinginselondon

Sometimes the most dangerous thing for kids is the silence that allows them to construct their own stories—stories that almost always cast them as alone and unworthy of love and belonging. As the oldest, I started using my newly formed fitting-in superpowers to identify what had led to the fighting, so I could concoct elaborate interventions to “make things better.” I could be the savior for my siblings, for my family. When it worked, I considered myself a hero. When it didn’t, I’d blame myself and double down on the data finding. It’s only just dawning on me as I write this—this is actually when I started choosing research and data over vulnerability. As I look back, I realize I probably owe my career to not belonging. First as a child, then as a teenager, I found my primary coping mechanism for not belonging in studying people. I was a seeker of pattern and connection. I knew if I could recognize patterns in people’s behaviors and connect those patterns to what people were feeling and doing, I could find my way. I used my pattern recognition skills to anticipate what people wanted, what they thought, or what they were doing. I learned how to say the right thing or show up in the right way. I became an expert fitter-in, a chameleon. And a very lonely stranger to myself. As time passed, I grew to know many of the people around me better than they knew themselves, but in that process, I lost me. -Brenè Brown- Braving The Wilderness Attachmentstyle polyvagaltheory biopsychosocial Somatictherapy nuerobodymatrix mentalhealthmatters mentalhealthawareness Stressedout overwhelmed tiredAF Burntout Stressrelief Hypnotherapy massagetherapy Coaching Depressionsucks AnxietySucks

It's not as easy as just listening to your body. It takes discernment and awareness around what parts of you are providing information. This is the journey inwards and a good guide can support you in that process.

Relationship under Maintenance.... to return it to a place where we both smiled like this. Progress not perfection is the goal. Diligence, love and attention our key words In our recovery. We weather the storm together to get back to the sunny days addiction loveaddict relationship101 relationship lessons heart hands sun spiritbomb imagomatch attachmentstyle lovelanguage

Please check RMH’s website (link in bio) for additional resources relating to child abuse. If you feel like you’re in danger, please call The Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline at 1-800-422-4453

Inspiration can come from strange places. This question of the day is brought to from Portuguese drama inspired musings. Sometimes when we are raised in settings that are clinically defined as "less than nurturing" or "not good enough" (depending on whose language you choose) we learn ways of coping which in the moment are entirely effective at helping us survive. And they make total sense. However, as we grow, those same coping mechanisms can become outdated. They can start to look like old, worn out patterns we repeat over and over again. And we just can't figure out why. We just know it is ineffective because it is ruining some part of our lives. What's your pattern? winnicott piamellody relationships patterns survival protection trauma attachment attachmentstyle attachmenttheory coping growing healing mentalhealth

A great exercise to do for yourself is to look at your family's unhealthy patterns and ask yourself: how did/ do I respond to them? Am I unconsciously imitating any unhealthy qualities or perhaps even trying to become the opposite of them in an unhealthy way? (For example avoiding close relationships and having a lot of rigid boundaries to keep others out because you witnessed your parents' bad marriage where there were no boundaries) Even if a destructive behaviour is their normal or became yours it's totally possible and okay to change and replace it with new healthier ways of interacting (even if they don't like it) relationshiphelp relationshipcoaching familydynamics generationaltrauma enmeshment toxicrelationship toxicfamily familytherapy emotionalawareness mentalhealthsupport mentalhealthreminders wellbeing emotionalintelligence emotionalhealing selfhealing emotionalhealing attachmentstyle insecureattachment reparenting

DOES YOUR FACE LIGHT UP WHEN YOU CHILD WALKS INTO THE ROOM? I didn't know who Toni Morrison was until recently, however, from what I have been seeing on social media I have some catching up to do with her writing and more.RIP Toni Morrison and Thank you for blessing the world with your gift. ———— ✨Now, let's talk about the impact of a child’s early relationship with his/her/their parents and his/her/their overall wellbeing. . . ✨The quality of the infant-caretaker relationship and the physical closeness the child experiences turns into a mental representation of closeness in the child’s developing mind. From birth, the interaction between the caretaker and the child becomes the basis for future expectations of social acceptance and attitudes toward rejection for the child. What that means is that we established an attachment pattern early on based on our relationship with our parents which sets the tone for how each of us reacts to our needs and how we go about getting them met. . . ✨Our attachment styles also influence what types of relationships we gravitate towards as adults as well as how we act in these relationships. So, understanding the type of attachment style we have will help us understand ourselves a little better as well as why we do some of the things that we do especially in our relationships. ———— ✨We’ll talk more about this topic in greater detail because it’s such an important one but in the meantime. We would love to hear from you. . . ✨Have you heard about the attachment theory before? Do you know your attachment style? Comment below.... . . . . 📹@oprah haitiansthrive haitianmentalhealth haitianmentalhealthawareness haitianmentalhealthmatter minoritymentalhealth mentalhealthawareness mentalhealthmattermentalhealthsupport mentalhealthwarrior mentalhealthadvocate endthestigma haiti caribbean #zoenation ayiticherie haitianamerican zoe haitians zoeland sakpase attachment attachmentstyle selfawareness

Believe in the human spirit and resilience. Believe in love and light, but don't bypass your pain or others. Do your shadow work and don't use spiritual concepts to avoid being with your human experience. Yes, you are a free, expansive soul, but you're also having a human experience in a body. Don't abandon your body in the quest for ascension or consciousness. That will happen naturally when you die. Live your human life, feel your pain, acknowledge the injustice in the world. Contribute in any way you can. Learn how to hold space for your feelings, so you can also do so for others. But don't make anyone's emotions your responsibility. Access your inner fire, so you can stop people pleasing and set boundaries. Find your voice. Learn about your attachment style so you can heal and deepen your connection with others. Take care of your inner child. Stop hustling and find ways to engage in play and rest too. I know for some this is actually a privilege. If you have this privilege, be grateful. You're creative at your core. Find ways to express that creativity. Believe in something greater than you. Trust and surrender but also take action. Keep coming back home to yourself every time you self abandon. Stay curious and open as you move through life. Not everything is as it seems and your paradigm can shift multiple times. If you think you're an island, learn to ask for help and understand what your needs are. If you abandon yourself to constantly meet others needs, learn self-care and how to meet your own needs. Stop trying to be perfect, it won't actually give you the love you're trying to get. This might all be subconscious which is why doing the inner work is powerful. You unearth what you aren't aware of. It feels like waking up. It's like you can really see for the first time. It's not easy. It is however, easier than living the rest of your life numb. . . . 📸 @nelson_lehner

Attachment theory is based on the assertion that the need to be in a close relationship is embedded in our genes. It was John Bowlby’s stroke of genius that brought him to the realization that we’ve been programmed by evolution to single out a few specific individuals in our lives and make them precious to us. It is impossible for infants to survive on their own, and we all need someone to provide safety and security for us to grow and develop throughout our lives. Survival becomes the common need we all share, and is the basic building block in development. Bowlby argued that infants need a relational space in which the child’s need for attachment is satisfied by the caregiver, who provides protection, nurturing, and care. The child feels he can return to and rely on this space during high levels of stress in order to be soothed by the caregiver. At this stage of development, the child is not able to soothe himself on his own and therefore must rely on an adult to recognize and respond to his emotional needs. Within this space, the child begins to learn a sense of safety and connection. -Nurturing Resilience “Man cannot live by milk alone. Love is an emotion that does not need to be bottle-or spoon-fed,”- Harry Harlow of the University of Wisconsin, a renowned and controversial scientist. Harlow helped to answer a seemingly obvious question in a non-obvious way. He raised infant rhesus monkeys without mothers. Instead, he gave them a choice of two types of artificial “surrogate” mothers. One pseudo-mother had a monkey head constructed of wood and a wire-mesh tube resembling a torso. In the middle of the torso was a bottle of milk. This surrogate mother gave nutrition. The other surrogate mother had a similar head and wire-mesh torso. But instead of containing a milk bottle, this one’s torso was wrapped in terry cloth. But not the baby monkeys—they chose the terry-cloth mothers. Kids don’t love their mothers because Mom balances their nutritive intake, these results suggested. They love them because, usually, Mom loves them back, or at least is someone soft to cling to.
-Why Zebra’s Don’t Get Ulcers attachment attachmentstyle attachmenttheory

🔍مشکلات ناشی از #فرزندپروری نادرست و #دلبستگی ناایمن: #وسواس #سبک‌فرزندپروری #مهارت‌های‌دهگانه‌زندگی #مهارت‌های‌اجتماعی #سازمان‌جهانی‌بهداشت AttachmentStyle InsecureAttachmentStyle Obsession ParentingStyle LifeSkillsTraining SocialSkills WHO ✅(در صورت جذابیت و علاقمندی به موضوع، مطلب را برای دیگران نیز بازنشر فرمایید). 📢کانال #دکترامیرمحمدشهسوارانی 🍃🌹🌸💐🌸🌹🍃 TELEGRAM: https://t.me/DrAmirMohammadShahsavarani INSTAGRAM: http://bit.ly/IPBSES-Institue

Humans with anxious attachment get preoccupied. Sounds like it might be cool, but in reality it is incredibly painful. Preoccupation means your thoughts are obsessing over a particular person until you sink further and further into a hole of despair. I have been there and it is the actual worst. It can feel like there's nothing to do to help, but there is! ⁣ ⁣ ***⁣ ⁣ Today, on the blog I'm walking you through an exercise you can do to help break yourself free from the prison that is preoccupation. It isn't a quick fix and it requires you to become very aware of when you are preoccupied and vigilance to do this exercise when those thoughts pop up. But, it works! ⁣ ⁣ ***⁣ ⁣ Link in the bio to read more and I'd love to know when you try it, how it works. Try it for a week or more and then let me know. Again, this isn't a quick fix so it's not a one and done thing. This is work, but guess what? YOU ARE WORTH IT. 📷: @carol_shoots

A number of studies have looked into the question of whether we are attracted to people based on their attachment style or ours. Avoidant individuals actually prefer anxiously attached people. Anxious women are more likely to date avoidant men. These attachment styles actually complement each other in a way. Each reaffirms the other’s beliefs about themselves and about relationships. The avoidants’ defensive self-perception that they are strong and independent is confirmed, as is the belief that others want to pull them into more closeness than they are comfortable with. The anxious types find that their perception of wanting more intimacy than their partner can provide is confirmed, as is their anticipation of ultimately being let down by significant others. So, in a way, each style is drawn to reenact a familiar script over and over again. But there’s another reason you might be attracted to an avoidant partner if you are anxious. Living in suspense, anticipating that next small remark or gesture that will reassure you. After living like this for a while, you start to do something interesting. You start to equate the anxiety, the preoccupation, the obsession, and those ever-so-short bursts of joy with love. What you’re really doing is equating an activated attachment system with passion. If you’ve been at it for a while, you become programmed to get attracted to those very individuals who are least likely to make you happy. Having a perpetually activated attachment system is the opposite of what nature had in mind for us in terms of gratifying love. As we’ve seen, one of Bowlby and Ainsworth’s most important insights is that in order to thrive and grow as human beings, we need a secure base from which to derive strength and comfort. For that to happen, our attachment system must be calm and secure. Remember, an activated attachment system is not passionate love. Next time you date someone and find yourself feeling anxious, insecure, and obsessive—only to feel elated every once in a while—tell yourself this is most likely an activated attachment system and not love! attachment attachmentstyle polyvagaltheory attachmenttheory coregulation

We appreciate our distinguished and amazing panelists. Who wisely answered all the varieties of questions that were asked ranging from single-hood, dating, courting, marriage, sex, making the sparks alive etc. You rock! - We are grateful for your wealth of wisdom, practicality, honesty and transparency!! : : : : : : : : : love godislove gymforall relationshipgoals relationship relationshipwholeness paneldiscussion gymrelation gymrelations godyouandme gymconf19 chicago conference relationshipconference sex trauma traumaticrelationship attachmentstyle marriage healthyrelationship healing dating relationshipgoals courting single engaged divorce perfectionexist youcanhaveit nomoredelay panel

Thank you Dr. David Philemon @drdavidphilemon for blessing during and teaching us during first GYM RELATIONSHIP CONFERENCE 2019. - His taught on wholeness and healthy relationships, understanding the different stages of your relationship ( you are blooming, Any man or woman that creates an environment were you bloom is the man or woman for you.), having a wholesome relationship depends on which your definition of wholeness is, knowing when to hold on to a relationship and when to let go, God’s will concerning your relationship, establish you values, world views and change only if the world’s views brings you closer to Jesus. - It was a powerful session and addressed on lots of things. Thank you sir for imparting us. We celebrate you! : : : : : love godislove gymforall relationshipgoals relationship relationshipwholeness revolutionarylove gymrelation gymrelations godyouandme gymconf19 chicago conference relationshipconference notoabuse trauma traumaticrelationship attachmentstyle recoveringfromabuse healthyrelationship healing brokenrelationship relationshipgoals coaching wholeness issues perfectrelationship perfectionexist youcanhaveit nomoredelay prophetic

Thank you Dr. Jermaine Thomas (he is not on social media). - it was an emotional moment for many people! His session was on dealing with traumatic relationships, handling with childhood problems that affect your relationships as an adult, building healthy attachments, resolving conflicts in relationship, dealing with insecurities that hinders you from having good relationships, recovering from abuse. - Be on a lookout for the video! Thank you man of God for teaching and enlightening us : : : : : : : love godislove gymforall relationshipgoals relationship relationshipwholeness revolutionarylove gymrelation gymrelations godyouandme gymconf19 chicago conference relationshipconference notoabuse trauma traumaticrelationship attachmentstyle recoveringfromabuse healthyrelationship healing brokenrelationship relationshipgoals coaching

Midsommar highlights the slow burn of a relationship’s end. 😟 Go to SHRINKTANK.com or click the link in our bio to learn whether or not the horror of Midsommar is fueled by gaslighting... 😱🔥⠀ ⠀ •⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ •⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ •⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ •⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ •⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ •⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ •⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ •⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ psychology popculture ariaster psychologystudent mentalhealthprofessional mentalhealth counselorlife therapist mentalhealthmatters sweden drama thriller horror horrormovie florencepugh willpoulter movie movies horrormovies horroraddict attachment attachmentstyle danni christian festival midsommarfestival gaslighting gaslight midsommarmovie

In many ways Carmen and Shane are our Carrie and Big (The L Word,” Lifesize”) @godimsuchadyke thelword shane carmen attachmentstyle

Our attachment styles are coping mechanisms. . Coping mechanisms can shift. . You’re way of relating to people is not fixed. So, if it’s causing you discomfort or isn’t quite the way you’d like it to be you can begin to change it by taking small steps each day. . One thing that can really help is to be in a relationship that offers security and responsiveness. . But, what if you don’t want to be in a relationship? Or aren’t in one? Or you have a partner that isn’t willing to meet those needs? . You can still create what we call “earned secure attachment”. . Here are some things that help: 💭Being a parent to yourself. How well are you taking care of yourself? Are you eating? Sleeping? Saying uh uh and no, no to bad habits? . 💭Heal your shame stories. What’s the narrative you’ve created around your unworthiness? . 💭Process your childhood trauma and grief. Allow yourself to explore the pain they caused and what your experiences took away from you. . 💭Respond to things as a securely attached person would - every day, push yourself to respond to situations which cause you discomfort in a more secure way - keep that promise to yourself. . Build self esteem - Develop a hobby, get really good at something, feel proud of yourself. Work on your negative self talk. . 💭Create a coherent narrative of your childhood little T traumas and big T traumas to make sense of your reality. . Do you have a story of how you developed a more secure style in adulthood?

Your attachment style is one one of the most effective aspects in love psychology, Learn more about your attachments by attending our relationship program how to choose the right partner For registeration or more info Just reply by a comment oe private message or call us through call button - - - - - - - coaching Relationship_awarness lifecoach development Self_esteem awarness egypt training program morning motivation love happiness couple singles quotes psycology cairo icf icw videoattachment attachmentstyle

Repost @relationshipslovehappiness with @get_repost ・・・ I had an awesome interview with Anna Seewald at @authentic.parenting.podcast about the Science of Attachment and it was 🔥 Click the LINK IN MY BIO (@relationshipslovehappiness) to listen on her website or just search for the Authentic Parenting Podcasts wherever you listen to podcasts. ScienceOfAttachment AttachmentStyles AttachmentStyle AttachmentTheory AuthenticParenting Parenting Marriage Relationships Podcast podcastsofinstagram PodcastInterview Podcasts

I had an awesome interview with Anna Seewald at @authentic.parenting.podcast about the Science of Attachment and it was 🔥 Click the LINK IN MY BIO (@relationshipslovehappiness) to listen on her website or just search for the Authentic Parenting Podcasts wherever you listen to podcasts. ScienceOfAttachment AttachmentStyles AttachmentStyle AttachmentTheory AuthenticParenting Parenting Marriage Relationships Podcast podcastsofinstagram PodcastInterview Podcasts

Reflecting on a rainy day on relationships.. . I was reading a beautiful post recently about sunflowers. As we know sunflowers always turn towards the sun, but just few people know that on cloudy and rainy day sunflowers face each other’s to share their energies 🌻💗🌻 . I was reflecting on this, especially about relationships dynamics with people that we care about but it’s not always easy to have a smooth or conscious connection. That usually happens in families, there’s attachments, stories, woundings, believes.. all of those are on the way for a reason, often the biggest lessons for us is to arise in our power, to let go of expectation and to grow in connection. . If you come from a family where relationships are not easy, I totally feel you, especially when you feel that the other side is living a completely different life, talking a different language and not capable to connect. You love them but you prefer distance and there’s a fine line between honouring yourself and avoiding the other. Today for this relationship I choose to turn towards it, I choose to give it love and energy, probably they haven’t seen the sun for very long time and they haven’t connected with other sunflowers either. . Today I choose a step forward in this ever dance of human nature, where lots of us are grown in families of fear, oppression and survival, trained to be individualists, not heard not seen and disconnected. . For this reasons it has taken me years of hard work to be able to attract a healthy relationship. Today I feel particularly tender about those that are not that open to real connections, those that don’t know other ways to be with each other’s, today I turn toward them with my open heart. . In this gorgeous rainy day, what’s your way to follow natures example and to turn towards a flower that might need some love?

Last time I ran this workshop, I thought four hours would be plenty of time...and it wasn't. The participants suggested an all-day or even weekend exploration of the material. So this time I'm giving us six hours in this love laboratory. Grounded in Love is an opportunity to truly see yourself, your partner, and your ways of relating with the soft eyes of nonjudgment, acceptance, and playfulness. We create the circumstances for this kind of clarity through intentional safety curation that starts with the body and its need for biological cues of safety in order to drop the armor we so easily employ in vulnerable moments. When the body relaxes, we can tune into its wisdom and allow the body to show us how we freeze up when we fight, how it feels to have our partner's name on our lips, if we feel satisfied when we get what we want, whether we trust our partner to hold us in times of need, how long it takes to sync up in empathy and understanding, and more. You will walk away with tools for safety curation, self-inquiry, deep reflection, *and* healing that which you discover needs attention.

It means putting your partner's well-being, self-esteem and distress relief first. And it means your partner does the same for you. You both agree to do it for each other. Therefore, you say to each other, "We come first." In this way, you cement your relationship. It is like making a pact or taking a vow, or like reinforcing a vow you already took with one another. ― Stan Tatkin, Wired for Love

90% of the time, your sense of safety comes from yourself. Now, don't get me wrong. This isn't a "just change yourself and all your problems are gone" post. When someone puts a gun to your temple, you're certainly not safe. When you've got to fear that your money will be gone when you wake up and that you won't have anything to eat, you're not safe. If you have a disease that might kill you, you're not safe. When your family or partner is abusive, when shady people follow you at night, when you're threatened, when your car veers off the road and towards that tree... Then you're certainly not safe. No amount of positive thinking is going to change that. But most of the time, what we fear is not those very real threats. It's our partner's disapproval. It's a frown from our mom. It's not living up to your kids' expectations. It's being you in a world where that seems pretty dangerous. That's what we fear most of the time. And, also most of the time, we get taught that our safety comes from without. From lack of a threat. From other people's validation. From following a certain path and never ever getting off. From being socially appropriate. But the truth is, we can try to live up to everyone's standards for our entire lives, and we will still never feel safe, or loved, or genuinely us. The fear will still stay. As will the sense of threat. When we turn to someone else for validation and guidance, then we want someone to hold us in our fears. We want someone to tell us what to do to make the anxiety go away, and the sense of being stuck disappear. We want to hear that, if we do "that thing", we won't be abandoned for it. All in all, we want the deep, deep love we once got from our parents. The deep, deep love we can give to ourselves. And we want the guidance, too, that we have in the deepest parts of our souls. We learned not to listen to ourselves. We learned not to love and hold ourselves, but to wait for a partner to do it. And we learned that the safe place to land in that we crave does not exist. Though it does: inside of us. Once we learn this, the world will be less scary. A gun is still a threat. But mostly? You'll feel safe.

Me, whenever I encounter a new friend . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . attachment attachmentstyle parenting babies crib science psychology cartoon comic illustration

It can be useful for each member of a partnership to think about and know your relationship to closeness and to separateness. ⠀ ⠀ 👉Does being close make you want to run away and/or feel like a threat to your individuality? ⠀ 👉Does being apart trigger an overwhelming amount of anxiety and/or feel like a threat to the certainty of your relationship? ⠀ ⠀ Understanding your “attachment style” can better help you understand your relationship to closeness and separateness and then may provide some insight into the impact that could be having on relationship harmony.⠀ •⠀ •⠀ •⠀ attachment attachmentstyle relationships relationshiptips queerrelationship emotionalintimacy closeness intimacy emotions bonding selfreflection knowyourself lgbtqcouplestherapy lgbtqnyctherapist lgbtq🌈 mentalhealthawareness queertherapist healing growth traumainformed genderaffirming genderaffirmingtherapy genderexpansive therapythoughts

This... If this isn’t true, idk what is 👌🙌💖 . How are we encouraging our partners to live their best lives?? . Photo credit: thesecret_lawofattraction Join @the.intuitive.guide for more 🤙✨

Learning to love any other human being is an ongoing process 💕 We can be thoughtful but we can't anticipate all of their triggers and insecurities. We can treat them as we would like to be treated in the same situation and that method doesn't always work for them. Relationship health flourishes when we humbly accept that these learning curves are inevitable and misunderstandings are neither a reflection of our person not loving us nor a reason to beat ourselves up. We must choose not to assume as we continue to learn about this unique soul we are in connection with and have the courage to continue to communicate our feelings and needs ✨ relationship101 relationshiphelp relationshipskills relationshipcoaching relationshipadvice sacredrelationship divinemasculine divinefeminine consciouslove unconditionallove compassion empathy atpeace emotionalintelligence attachmentstyle attachmentstyles secureattachment avoidantattachment anxiousattachment

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ When it comes to selecting a partner, we are governed by a very controlled set of neurological and physiological parameters that seek out people somehow familiar to us and who will fulfill our unconscious expectations. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Learn how your past shapes your AttachmentStyle and your future and how to break the cycles of your PatternImprinting. Visit www.charissecooke.com for more relationship insights and free self-help videos or enrol in my Online Relationship Course right here (http://bit.ly/TheRelationshipCourse). ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ TheRelationshipCourse YourOnlineTherapist AdultAttachmentTheory PatternImprinting healthyrelationships relationshipexpert relationshipadvice relationshiphelp relationshipcounselling marriagecounseling marriagetips marriagecoach marriagecounselling marriagegoals

Do you consider yourself a warm, responsive parent? If so, tap twice on the picture 💜 Being warm, kind and putting your children's needs first are hallmarks of the parenting style known as Permissive Parenting. But permissive parenting was found in several studies to nurture not-so-good results for the children 🙄 Outcomes such as high substance abuse rates, obesity, and low self-confidence are not what you're striving for when you imagine your kids' future before you fall asleep, right? 😯 So, why is that? Why is permissive parenting, with its warmness and high responsiveness, lead to these results? The answer lies in the other hallmark of the permissive parenting style - the low demands that parents put in front of their kids. So, how do we keep that in mind, activate our responsive muscles without forgetting to put boundaries? Read my new post to learn more. Just comment YES below and I'll send you the link 👇👇👇 . . . apparentlyparent attachmentparent mindfulparenting parenteducation parentingcoach parentlove attachmentstyle respectfulparenting parentingstyles parentsofinstagram

How often we shut down the ability to repair the relationship by making our love wrong... Instead of shaming our person, what if we approached them with the intention to understand and bring compassion into the space where we have been triggered? "It was really difficult for me when you did that. BUT I don't want to judge you or shame you. I understand that you were doing the best you could from the awareness that you had and that for a reason I don't yet understand that felt like the best choice available. Would you be able to explain your perspective to me?" ⋆ *Partner explains their perspective* ⋆ "Thank you for sharing that with me. I appreciate your honesty so much. What was difficult about the experience for me was that it brought up my wound around _____ (e.g. abandonment, feeling controlled etc). When you did that my mind created this story where it meant ______ (e.g. that my freedom was threatened, that you didn't respect me, that you didn't care, etc). It's so helpful to hear your side so that I can dissolve that story and seperate that meaning I created in my mind from this experience." ⋆ In some cases the explanation is enough that their behaviour stops becoming a trigger. At other times we might request that they do things differently next time: "I think it will still be difficult for me if you _____, could we find another way of doing things? I would love it if you could do X instead. That would really make me feel loved. Thank you so much for understanding" ❤️ relationship101 relationshiphelp relationshipskills relationshipcoaching relationshipadvice sacredrelationship divinemasculine divinefeminine consciouslove unconditionallove compassion empathy atpeace emotionalintelligence attachmentstyle attachmentstyles secureattachment avoidantattachment anxiousattachment

On the Highly Sensitive Person and Inner Child Work. Being an HSP as a child can lead to more issues around attachment. If your caregivers weren't attuned to your sensitivity and needs, instead of a secure attachment we can develop an anxious or avoidant attachment style. This follows you into adulthood and you may find you struggle with relationships in general. Understanding this about yourself helps you reparent your inner child because as adults we now get to meet the needs of our inner child. We get to attune to the needs of both our inner child and adult self. We get to set boundaries with ourself and others to support those needs. We get to soothe and parent the inner child when our anxious or avoidant attachment style is activated. The more connection we have with our inner child, the more awareness we'll have with triggers around our attachment style. This makes it easier to navigate relationships and we get to work towards a secure attachment with our partner. Tomorrow night I'm hosting a free online screening for Sensitive: The Untold Story based on the work of Elaine Aron on HSPs. After the documentary I will be leading an inspired conversation on all the ways I've learned to thrive as an HSP and anything else that comes up. I've decided to offer a second screening on Tuesday August 6th at 7pm MST. If you missed out on the first one and would like to join me, drop a comment below or send me a DM. I'm keeping the group small because connection and intimacy are my jam! . . . 📸 @nelson_lehner

Did you know that the way parents interact with their infant during the first few months of birth largely determines the type of coping styles aka attachments it will form with them.⠀ ⠀ A healthy attachment style serves us well, allowing for us to develop self esteem and develop positive relationships. But have you ever wondered if unhealthy relationships have a correlation to the persons attachment style? ⠀ ⠀ Stepping into the unconscious mind isn’t intuitive or easy. Many of the fears, beliefs, and behavioral patterns we mimic as adults are derived from how we felt in the first few years of life. But how did we feel in early life? What our parents might have perceived being healthy might have not felt that way to us. One safe way to tap into the unconscious is through meditation.⠀ ⠀ Meditation has been my choice of drug for many years now and what I’ve learned is that no matter what images, sensations, thoughts or memories arise in my body and mind, I sit with them. it's learning to look at my deepest wounds.These are the scars of my past, whether they are emotional, physical, psychological and spiritual that for a long time, I did my best to ignore.⠀ ⠀ I share this with you because meditation has the power to heal old wounds.We carry our histories of pain in our bodies. Therefore new perception created in a meditative state is able to soften the context of our memory and give us relief. ⠀ ⠀ If you're looking to better your love life, figuring out your attachment style can be an immensely helpful tool: understanding why you have certain habits or exhibit certain patterns in relationships is the first step to correcting bad behavior and improving how you form relationships.coachingwithinna relationships attachmentstyle love unity

Have you ever found yourself thinking about love and relationships and wondered, why does it have to be so painful at times? I'm an expert on those topics, and it's still fascinating to me how we humans function when it comes to romantic relationships. The best answers I can find when I consider attachment theory. Attachment theory explains how our early upbringing affects our adult relationships and in general how we feel about ourselves. I'm stoked to invite you to join my friend @notsoidleminddlemind and me tomorrow on live FB. We will be talking about attachment theory and how it affects our relationships.

💃Here's one of my powerhouse midlifesisters who is rocking her awesome in every way. I'm so inspired by my friend and psychsister Dr. Diane @backtolovedoc. She is brilliant! And created the most amazing product to help singles and couples find ❤! She helps you learn about your attachment style and how to overcome it's barriers in finding and sustaining the relationships you desire. Take her Love Style quiz to discover your attachment style. This quiz is outstanding! You'll receive a 3 page detailed summary all about your attachment style and it's free! My results were spot on and far exceeded my expectations! I was beyond impressed! I'm not only inspired and impressed by her clinical skills and business savvy, but by her ability to take courageous action against all odds! She is one tough cookie who thinks outside the box and chases her dreams! Dr. Diane is a dreamerachiever and I just love that about her! She continues to reinvent herself and reimagine her life, allowing the wonderful mysteries and miracles to show up by intentionally turning the mind from limiting beliefs towards setting her intention to support her dreams! It doesn't matter what age you are, dreams can be achieved! I hope this inspires you to join our agelesssisterhood and chasethosedreams! Oh, and she also found the love of her life during the second chapter! Her Mr. Charming is pretty amazing! To learn more go to her page @backtolovedoc where you can find the link to her quiz or visit her website at secureinlove.com . I can't say it enough.....Dreams are possible, miracles do happen! Make sure you get your limiting beliefs out of the way so you can experience your dreams! Join my email list to receive higherlifehacks to help you in this process! . backtolovedoc selfcarewellnessweekend psychologists tallpsychologists inspiringwomen attachmentstyle thesassyshrink findyoursoulmate agelesssisterhood womenwhocollaborate womenwhosupportwomen womenwhoupliftwomen ladyboss

Im addicted to you song lyrics. Question 1 looking back in time I see the addictive pattern of mine Who knew the people the places The smiles on their faces Gave meaning to an unsatisfactory life I wonder how many others, husband's and wife's Are struggling too What can we do? I'm addicted to you I changed my whole life to be with you You are my qualifier For you I became a liar I just had to have you Touching you felt electric Is it because you're new? No..it's because.. I'm addicted to you Ever since I first saw you we were perfectly matched When we're apart we both feel anxiously attached Just a week without you and I'm turning bipolar I can't handle my emotions I need to get sober Now you're back and you open your door in your birthday suit I'm drowning in drugs and my problems go mute I think we can safely say I'm addicted to you addiction loveaddict relationship101 relationship lessons heart hands sun spiritbomb imagomatch attachmentstyle lovelanguage

Part of my internal healing journey definitely includes learning about my attachment style and why I acquired it. Also how to manage it because it can be so frustrating to live with (for me and my husband I'm sure). Learning about these things has helped me be more forgiving and understanding of other people. We all have our own shit from childhood creep up sometimes (or all the time). What's your attachment style? Any good IG page or book recommendations? 🌱🌞 anxiousattachment attachmentstyle therapy marriage growthmindset

⁠ Have you ever found yourself attracted to the same kinds of guys that are not necessarily the best for you? We've all been there. Some of us tend to be attracted to emotionally unavailable guys, some are attracted to those who are needy, and some even may be attracted to abusive people. ⁠ ⁠ Why does this happen? ⁠ ⁠ Our attachment style may have something to do with it. ⁠ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⁠ My friend @notsoidlemind is a therapist in Los Angeles and an expert on helping people with attachment issues. ⁠ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⁠ We will talk about how attachment style affects our romantic relationships, etc. Join us on FB live on Thursday at 12 AM PST. The link is in the profile. ⠀⁠ ⁠ ⁠ ⁠ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⁠ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⁠ .⁠ ⁠ ⁠ thecourseoftrueloveHealToLoveToLivedaretoloveyourlifecommunicationtoolscommunicationtips relationshipsdatingadvice relationshipadvicecaliforniatherapist communicationmindfulness imjustsaying#onlinecounseling counselingtherapy relationshiptherapistwomentherapist confidencerelationshipcoach selfloveselfaware straightupdatingadviceforwomen attachmentstyle

We learn how love "works" from a very young age. . . . If all of our needs are met and we receive love, care and support then we know that we can seek all of these in our romantic relationships as well (and also offer them to our partners). . . . If, however, our needs are not met or they are only met sometimes then we learn to either internalize our needs and place little importance on them or externalize them and exaggerate their importance. Both of these strategies are ways to cope with the unreliable caregiving environment. These experiences and interactions contribute to the development of an internal working model that guides our behavior in our romantic relationships. . . . . . . . . attachment attachmenttheory uk psychology relationships partnership couplestherapy love psychology psychoeducation marriage maritaladvice # child childhood bond emotionalbond selfdevelopment attachmentstyle

DETACHMENT Detachment can co-exist with enmeshment or as an attempt to create more separation. It is often a self-protective distancing that may be necessary of others aren't receptive to healthy boundaries. . . It can also happen when families and individuals don't have conflict resolution skills or are unable to communicate healthy boundaries. . . Where there is detachment, family members come and go without knowledge of what each other is going through. This is when there are more walls than there are boundaries. . . With detachment, individuals feel more like strangers than family. Conversations can remain superficial as to avoid confronting deeper issues at hand. . . It can feel like you're walking on eggshells. Stressors leave people to the point they are unable to be present. Connection is difficult to sustain. There is a disassociation. . . Detachment can also be when members of the family have become estranged. Some individuals may be scapegoated and seen as problematic as they upset the status quo. . . . .

Children learn to attach from safe caregivers. Caregivers that offer both emotional communication AND regulation provide an environment where it is safe to be emotional and where you are free to regulate those emotions within that safety. . Some children grow up in families that are emotionally distant. There is a large spectrum to this - it ranges from parents that are cerebral to parents that are fully neglectful. This creates an underutilized emotional system. . As a child they might have experienced: 💭Their attempts for comfort being overlooked - when they cried people didn’t come, when they reached for a hug no one hugged back. . 💭Dismissiveness - when they brought up a need or emotion it was dismissed by the caregiver. Caregiver either turned away from the need (ignored it) or turned against the need (“you don’t need that”). . 💭Little to no emotional connection- there was not a lot of emotional connection & intimacy modeled for the child and the child received little to no emotional connection. . 💭Too many task based activities - chores, chores, chores and no play, joy, and rest. . 💭Loneliness - the child might have felt lonely due to lack of emotional connection or energy in the home or lonely because no one was physically available. . 💭Intrusiveness- the child might have felt a strange sense of autonomy while still be intruded upon. . 💭Verbal and Physical rejection: when the child tried to connect they were rejected. . 💭Learned to live as if they have no needs - they might have become skilled at distancing themselves from their needs. Even during moments of emotional or physical discomfort they become pros at numbing it or pretending it isn’t there. . 💭Interrupted bonding- Sometimes people with an avoidant attachment style experienced interrupted bonding. They might have had very nurturing and warm parents but perhaps something happened that prevented emotional closeness - their parents might have died when they were young, become ill and spent long periods of time in the hospital or the child might have had to spend time away. . Attachment styles are NOT fixed. You can develop a secure attachment in a secure relationship. ♥️

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