90% of the time, your sense of safety comes from yourself.
Now, don't get me wrong. This isn't a "just change yourself and all your problems are gone" post.
When someone puts a gun to your temple, you're certainly not safe.
When you've got to fear that your money will be gone when you wake up and that you won't have anything to eat, you're not safe.
If you have a disease that might kill you, you're not safe.
When your family or partner is abusive, when shady people follow you at night, when you're threatened, when your car veers off the road and towards that tree... Then you're certainly not safe.
No amount of positive thinking is going to change that.
But most of the time, what we fear is not those very real threats. It's our partner's disapproval. It's a frown from our mom. It's not living up to your kids' expectations. It's being you in a world where that seems pretty dangerous. That's what we fear most of the time.
And, also most of the time, we get taught that our safety comes from without. From lack of a threat. From other people's validation. From following a certain path and never ever getting off. From being socially appropriate.
But the truth is, we can try to live up to everyone's standards for our entire lives, and we will still never feel safe, or loved, or genuinely us. The fear will still stay. As will the sense of threat.
When we turn to someone else for validation and guidance, then we want someone to hold us in our fears. We want someone to tell us what to do to make the anxiety go away, and the sense of being stuck disappear. We want to hear that, if we do "that thing", we won't be abandoned for it.
All in all, we want the deep, deep love we once got from our parents. The deep, deep love we can give to ourselves. And we want the guidance, too, that we have in the deepest parts of our souls.
We learned not to listen to ourselves.
We learned not to love and hold ourselves, but to wait for a partner to do it.
And we learned that the safe place to land in that we crave does not exist. Though it does: inside of us.
Once we learn this, the world will be less scary. A gun is still a threat. But mostly? You'll feel safe.